I was thinking about my past last night
Well..it takes a thousand years for me to tell you all this bedtime story..
but i'll make it as simply as i could..and as easy as i can to make you all understand..
2.45 am, 27 september 2010:
during this time, my mind is currently thinking the first day of my school..I was dumb, idiot, a snot, afraid scared this is was the feeling that i was experiencing back then..
I sat infront and i was nervous, afraid the teacher will questioning me..once the teacher rise her voice, Mashallah!..only Allah know how weak my leg was, until i couldnt even stand that time..Everyday i came to school hoping that i could make a friend..
as I got to know everyne..memorize each name one by one..but ~ i still never make a friend..not even one..time goes by until I was in primary 3..
3.00 am, 27 september 2010:
At this moment i was thinking about my experience in primary 3..i was very dumb..the teacher throw my back, got beaten up by the kids, got scolded, was being called an idiot, weak in maths, i cant even solve a simple mathematics question..for 3 years in school i never got any compliments accept those phrases that i hate so much and those phrases are "kau ani pelajar yang paling budoh dalam class bah" which mean "you are the most idiot students in the class"..uu know how much doe it hurt to be called like that everyday?..i was not mature yet, so i dont care it so much and just carry on and let it be..and for 3 years i still try to make a friend..but i never have one..i couldnt make a friend with the smart students never work until i shifted to my new school..
3.15 am, 27 september 2010:
I thought everything could be change as i enroll to the new school. well it doesnt goes as i planned..its actually worst than that, in the new school i try to be samrt, i tried to study hard but but i still couldnt change that lazy attitudes of mine. guess what it never change myself, i got dumber..uu know what, i was bad in calculating money, as i calculate 20cent until it reach 1dollars, well i didnt call it 1 dollars back then..i call it 100cents..and you know beat me badly that time?..she took a whole day to teach me calculating..but it actually help me out..for threes years in a new school i never make a friend in the academic school. but i do have alot of friends in my Islamic school, got acknowledge by the teacher..but i feel missing, i hte them so much back then..i told myself they were no sincere. well Islamic studies was the only subject that i could score back then, why?..i dont know why..i love to learn tarikh an Islamic history. I finished my primary school with a PCE result of 3b,1c,1d(just pass). I was freaking happy.
3.30, 27 september 2010:
I was thinking about my life during secondary school, well i feel so much fun during this time..i played a lot.at the same time i got an improvement with my academic studies..i make a friend..alhamdulillah they ware my perfect friend, we were a moderated class( no dumb, or not smart). Mashallah i always got number one in the class, the reason is?..its because Allah is great he is well knowing..i dont know how i score back then accept Allah...in my Islamic school..alhamdulillah everything perfectly..am not afraid to come to school..and sheesh..i was curious how does love feel back then, well i do felt in love, but ijust share it with my closed buddies , until the day i gotta shift to dubai i tell him to tell the person that im in love with her..It wa too late isnt it?..well doesnt matter
3.45-4.30 am 27 September 2010
In Dubai, hahah..i was like a crying baby..i wantted to go back to Brunei..wanna see my friend there ..but i lost contact with them fell like i lost half of my life..at the same time i feel depressed and dissapointed they never lookd for me nor do they try to get contact with me.. accept one person..his name is Qawwy!!..his my lil bro..his the one that help me to get contact with everyone, Alhamdulilla,Jazakallah Qawwy. Back to the story. First day of school in Dubai. I got my neck bash up by a person called Mayed Hassan. Am being patience as am a new students. and there is one person his name was Abeid Karama. he told me that if i want to be cool, i just look for him..wow!..i was like who is this alien that telling me am not cool..hahaha..at the beginning i hmm..i have thought that i wanted to change everyone of them..but as i get to know them..am the who change a lot..Islamic is still my favourite subject..my classmate always look for me if they hve some problem..i thought that i fully understand what does itb mean by friendship and love..i thought i was the only one who goes problem in looking a friend..but they are just like me..my classmate came across the middle east..Palestine..feel sad to listen to their story..during tht time..my spirit of Jihad got pump!..and i always wanted to to liberate their country for them to return to their hometown..Al-Quds!!..there i fully understand what does it mean by friendship and love..once i knew and learn about love..i try to avoid it and i even make a boundaries so love wont comes to me..but they thoguht me that you dont have to seek for love..it will come for you..its in the hand of Allah..well i start to fight in Dubai..but not because am a bad students..i love them so much..i love..i love them..whenever they are in the middle of fight..i'll try to stop them all..i dnt choose any side..if i could i will beat both side..i want to maintaince the unity and the bond of friendship..Arabic class was awesome trust me!!!..hikhik,,,wanna know why?..hikhik.. you gotta experience it yourself..owh yeah, about friendship..even before i left..i always remind them to keep contact each other..unite and keep the bond of friendship strong as I will return to them.everyone are far away now..but THE BOND IS STILL STRONG like Al-Bunaiyah((building)..its strong like a construction of building..its only can be destroy by an explosion or by an outsider..i called it fitnah..UNITE WE STAND, DEVIDED WE FALL. I'll protect them even its mean dead for me..that is what i learn from them..Friendship..u gotta seek for it..but love..you dont ahve to bother yourself look for it.
4.45 am, 27 september 2010:
I went back to the pass Ramadhan, well i knew one person, i dnt know..speaking with her..my heart beat faster than as usual..speaking with her remind me of Allah and Rasul..i used to called her kakak..hikhik,,but later i know she was sick..i thought i was not serious until she told me she's having a kidney and heart problem..my world turn to dark.morning turn to night..night turn to morning..if i coud i wnt to onate my organs for her..but she told me her sister did donates her organs for her..for a second i thought myself..its very rare to find a very generous women and that would even sacrifice her organs for her sister. This is the bond bof love that i have leartn from my friend in Dubai..as i in Ramadhan she went apart..i feel uneasy word alone cant descrbe my feelings..I make my doa..hoping she will come back in one piece. as i get to know her..NOOR has light up my whole world and its has perfected the BOND! ..knoing you is a gift from Allah..loving you reminds me tht eternity love is only for Allah and Rasul..you have make me get closer to the almighty god..Mashallah..ana uhibbuki fillah abadab abada fi i'lan Jennnah.
5.00 am, 27 September 2010:
end of the story about my life..you can do it sometim..time will freeze for you ...
